Interviews what a Cliche Title
by Zyalea
Summary: Interviews with all the cartoon characters of Billy and Mandy that I feel like interviewing. Rated for extreme stupidity and random content.
1. Interview with Billy Bill

**WELCOME TO…. TALK SHOW THINGY WITH ZYALEA!**

**Zyalea **(is a werewolf creature thing with red hair and stuff): HELLO! I WROTE THIS AT MIDNIGHT AFTER EATING A BUNCH OF REESES AND DRINKING YOOHOO! (walks out to the middle of the stage and fails arms around)

Alright, let's get this show on the rode. I mean road… I CAN NOT SPELL TONIGHT! Blegh. Anyways, tonight I'm gunna interview a whole lot of cartoons that I love. And without anymore explanations and whatnot, here is one of those favorite cartoons we all love to watch while clipping our toenails, BILLY!

**Billy**: (walks out onto stage, waving to the audience) Hi people!

**Zyalea**: Yeah yeah yeah, okay, I gotta ask you… is it true that you're best friend is a questionably chicken flavored cow?

**Billy**: … Well, I guess you could say that… but her name's Mandy, unless you're talking about my OTHER best friend, who's name is Grim. (grins)

**Zyalea**: DON'T YOU TEST MY PATIENCE! (towers over Billy angrily)

**Billy**: (blinks) You smell like spoiled yogurt.

**Zyalea**: (returns to normal) Eh-hem, well, Billy, who's your FAVORITE friend?

**Billy:** I can't really answer that, but I have been friends with Mandy longer… so… I guess you COULD say that she looks like my dad!

**Zyalea**: … YOU look like your dad. Mandy looks like… like a blond baseball on a pink… uh… stand… thing…

**Billy**: …

**Zyalea**: … OKAY! So, Billy-Bill, may I call you that? Billy-Bill?

**Billy**: Well-

**Zyalea**: OKAY! Next question: what would you say to your fans RIGHT NOW?

**Billy:** Hmm… thinks I would say… scratches chin that, uh… I would say…

**Zyalea**: OKAY! Next question:

**Billy**: But I-

**Zyalea**: I know I know, but you're going to have to be patient if you want the free donuts after the interview session! So, as I was saying; It is possible that you have a _thing_ for your close friend Mandy?

**Billy**: Ha, naw, she's just my friend! That's all.

**Zyalea**: What about _Grim?_

**Billy**: trembles in nervousness Uh… well, you see, uh…

**Zyalea**: I think that's all we need to hear! Next question: Can I poke your nose?

**Billy: **My nose?

**Zyalea: **(squeezes Billy's nose) Hehe!

**Billy:** Hehehe!

**Zyalea**: (squeezes Billy's nose some more) HAHAHAHAH! AHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! (throws Billy to the ground and jumps on his nose) AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAA! (gets off Billy and breathes heavily)

**Billy**: (twitches on the ground) I've been violated...

**Zyalea**: (picks Billy up and hugs him) I love you! ADORABLENESS! (chews on Billy's hat)

**Billy**: (hangs there limp and helpless)

**Zyalea**: (drops Billy and acts as if what just happened didn't happen) Next question: How did you feel when you were in Buttercup's dress without PANTS?

**Billy**: Refreshing.

**Zyalea**: … you ARE weird.

**Billy**: (smiles)

**Zyalea**: (looks at wrist as if there is a watch there where there isn't) Okay, well we're out of time!

**Cameraman**: Um… we still have ten minutes until commercial-

**Zyalea**: Like I said, (grits teeth) WE'RE OUT OF TIME!( storms off stage)

**Billy**: (looks at the camera) I didn't know that was there before… (blinks) OH OH OH, I KNOW! (runs around in circles until eventually tripping and falling flat on face)

HEHEHE! (teeth fall out as Billy stands up) Hmm… um… oh, do you wanna know a SECRET! Don't tell Mandy I told you, but I saw her and Irwin-

**AND NOW FOR OUR COMMERCIAL BREAK**


	2. Grim's Interview

**WARNING: There are a tiny little bit of spoilers about episodes in this thingy. and I wrote half of this at midnight and another half at 2 somethin' blah.**

**Zyalea**: (prances onto stage giddily) YAAAAY! Okay, recap, we interviewed Billy. (points to Billy sitting on a couch in the background)

**Billy**: HIII! (waves franticly)

**Zyalea**: Yes. Now to interview the infamous, scary, melancholy, malicious, oxy-moronic creature that has stolen so many hearts of the endangered Sumatran Rhino, the GRIM REAPER himself!

**Grim**: (drifts out onto stage with a wary expression)

**Zyalea**: Grim! (jumps onto Grim and wraps arms around him) Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou! (whacks Grim with tail as she jumps off)

**Grim**: Hey!

**Zyalea**: Mmkay, Grim, before we get onto the interview, I want you to sing us some of your cool songs!

**Grim**: (blinks in confusion)

**Zyalea**: … okay, sing this one! reaches up Billy's nose and retrieves a paper from it, handing it to Grim who takes it in utter disgust)

**Grim**: (reads the paper) Hey… dis is when Mandy was-

**Zyalea**: Yeah yeah I know, sing it now!

**Grim**: Well, I'm not really in da mood, you see…

**Zyalea**: I DON'T CARE! SING IT YOU YUMMY FOOL!

**Grim**: (swallows) Here goes nuttin'…

_Hey mon, I just wanna say mon!_

_If you'd only smile once in a while,_

_Then maybe your face wouldn't look so vile!_

Billy: (jumps up from couch) _JUST GIVE IT A TRIAL!_

Crabena: (appears out of nowhere) _IT'S ALWAYS IN STYLE!_

…

**Zyalea**: (coughs) Well, I guess Mandy didn't want to finish that one for us. Grim, explain to us the origin of this song!

**Grim**: (still confused by all the people popping in and out even though it was really only one person and it wasn't even a person it was some weird green creature who's obsessed with her looks and can't even move her face because she's had so many facial surgeries) Um… well… we were trying to get Mandy ta smile, and-

**Zyalea**: Yeah, yeah, I didn't ask for your life's STORY!

**Grim**: …

**Zyalea**: (faces camera) So that was from one of the newest episodes, "My Fair Mandy"! Catch it on sometime on Cartoon Network!

(turns back to Grim) Now then, you just HAVE to sing us that one song you sang.

**Grim**: Er, dat was specific. (sarcasm)

**Zyalea**: YOU KNOW! That one song you sang at the Battle of the Bands, with Purple Filth?

**Grim**: Oh yeah… I dunno if I still remember dat one.. besides, I don't even have a guitar! (shrugs) Oh well, I guess we'll just have to skip it… (looks relieved)

**Zyalea**: Don't worry, Grim! I gotcha covered! (shoves lyrics into Grim's face and catches a guitar that came out of nowhere and hands it to Grim)

**Grim**: How do you know about all dese songs!

**Zyalea**: Oh, um… I like your voice. (grins)

**Grim**: (sighs) Well, here goes nuttin'…

(strums madly on his guitar with flames coming up all around him)

_Clock strikes twelve, the cool wind blows_

_But I've got no fear 'cause we're not alone…_

(dundundundundundundun dundundundundun)

_I am the weakest, I am the strong, and this iswhere I feel the most at home!_

_CRY! Cry! Everybody, cry! 'cause the world has gone awry!_

**Zyalea**: (starts singing in a really bad voice and Grim stops playing to stare at her) LALALALALALAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (strums on air guitar) YEEEAAAH!

**Grim:** … ooookaaaay… dat was whack…

**Zyalea**: Yaaay! Now wasn't that fun! Okay, now you gotta sing that one song you sang when you jumped into Milkshakes's head!

**Grim**: When I jumped into… wow, dat was YEARS ago…

**Zyalea**: Yeahyeah! Sing it!

**Grim**: You know, dat was more of a spur-of-da-moment gig, like a fluke.

**Zyalea**: I DON'T CARE IF YOU LIKE CRUSTY ASPARAGUS! Sing the song PLEASE! (drops to knees in front of Grim)

**Grim**: I don't even know how it went… (sighs, knowing that Zyalea will get the lyrics somehow for him)

**Zyalea**: (smiles and sticks hand down her pants, pulling out a sheet of paper) Here ya go! Let's get this oooon!

**Grim**: (reluctantly takes the paper, holding it by the corner with the very tips of his fingers) Ugh… well…

(breaks out in singing and dancing)

_Look at me, I'm a kitty kat!_

_I wear a bowl of peanuts for a hat!_ (a bowl of peanuts appears on Grim's head, where Grim starts taking peanuts and throwing them in his mouth)

_And if I eat dem all, I will get fat!_

_Blah blah blah, I'm a kitty kaaaaaaaaaaaaat!_

(stops abruptly, breathing hard)

**Zyalea**: (claps) YAAAAAY! Oh, do you know the evil meteor song!

**Grim**: Da what?

**Zyalea**: Oh, that's right, you were too busy sharpening your SCYTHE to pay attention to the evil meteor who was eating everyone's brain!

**Grim**: Okay then…

**Zyalea**: Wow, all that singing has really gotten me tired… well, now time for questions.

**Grim**: (exhales in exasperation)

**Zyalea**: (clears throat) Numbuh one-

(out of nowhere a bald-headed kid with sunglasses, a red shirt and boots flies through the roof wearing a jetpack)

**Numbuh One**: Is a kid in need?

**Zyalea**: Erm… no. I'm a teenager person.

**Numbuh One**: A trap! Kids Next Door, assemble!

(four other kids consisting of a fat one wearing plane goggle things, a chinese girl with long black hair and a green shirt too big for her, a kid with blond hair covering his eyes and an orange hoody, and an African-American girl with a red hat covering her eyes)

**Numbuh One**: Prepare to face your doom, Teenager!

**Zyalea**: Oh yeah! Well, talk to my SECRET WEAPON! (jumps behind Grim and pushes him towards the kids)

**Grim**: What-?

**Zyalea**: Oh yeah, that's right! I got THE Grim Reaper!

**Numbuh Four**: No lousy 'reaper' is gonna stop us!

**Numbuh One**: Kids Next Door, attack!

(The kids all run towards Grim where they are all engulfed by a cloud of dirt, where much fighting and shouting is done. Finally the smoke clears and everyone is gone except Grim. An open dimension portal is next to him)

**Grim**: Well, dat was weird. (the portal closes)

**Zyalea**: Not to mention it took up time… well let's just TRY to get some questions in! Okay, I know that many of your fans want to know; has there ever been anything going on between you and Mandy?

**Grim**: (looks at Zyalea with disbelief)

**Zyalea**: … is that a yes or a no?

**Grim**: That is the CRAZIEST question I have EVER heard of!

**Zyalea**: Riiiiight… (winks at camera) Anyway, next question: what do you think of Billy and Mandy? Do you feel you have any responsibilities for them?

**Grim**: I think they're monsters, of course! Haven't you been watching the show?

**Zyalea**: Yes, but there are some things that could suggest that you feel… maybe… a fatherly emotion for them?

**Grim**: Well, I…

**Zyalea**: For example, recently you were seen with Billy and Irwin, and when reality was being all destroyed and all, you were seen saying these exact words to Billy, "… but I'm gonna hold you tight and never let go!" which, immediately after, you and Billy held on to each other, Billy responding, "I love you Grim!" So tell us… what was that about?

**Grim**: Well, I can't say I don't care for de kids at all… I mean, sure, I guess I might like them a little…

**Zyalea**: Okie dokie artichokie.

(awkward silence)

**Zyalea**: Darn, looks like we're out of time. To all you reviewers; would any of you like to see more of Grim and/or Billy in this interview? And which character would you like interviewed next? Send us your opinion at P.O. Box Lamas and Cabbage 734 street New York, Oregon.

(grabs Billy and Grim and hugs them, grinning at the camera)

**Cameramen**: (shouting off-stage) Okay, let's cut to commerc-


	3. Mandy's Not Interview

**Zyalea**: WELCOME BACK! We already interviewed the loverly Grim- (Grim is shoved onto stage by an anonymous pair of hands, and drifts reluctantly to the couch in the background and sits down) and, of course, the adorable Billy- … Billy? Where's Billy?

**Billy**: (suddenly is lauched across the stage) TUXEDO MAN! (runs around the stage like mad) TUXEDO MAN TUXEDO MAN TUXEDO MAN TA-KA-DO MAD GA-DO-KA BAN! (collapses on the floor)

**Zyalea**: … Well, let's move on! Today, we are interviewing the cute, the sinister, the MANDY!

**Mandy**: (Walks out onto stage wearing her same-everyday-bland-look-of-doom)

**Zyalea**: Hello there, Miss bland-look-of-doom.

**Mandy**: (looks at the camera with disinterest)

**Zyalea**: Okay, I gotta ask you this question which I already asked those other two over there; do you have a thing for Billy or Grim?

**Mandy**: (raises eyebrow)

**Zyalea**: … maybe something for Nergal Junior? Or… IRWIN!

**Mandy**: (rolls eyes) I'm outta here…

**Zyalea**: NOOO! WAIIIIT! (drops to the ground and grabs Mandy's legs) I GOTTA TAKE UP AT LEAST TWO PAGES WITH YOUR INTERVIEW!

**Mandy**: Too bad for you. (tries to shake off Zyalea)

Grim grins in the background, watching with infatuation.

**Zyalea**: Please Mandy! Answer just a FEW questions!

**Mandy:** I don't know why I came here in the first place. C'mon Grim, Billy. We're goin' back to Endsville. (Grim and Billy follow her orders and stand up, drifting towards Mandy and Zyalea) Hey, help me out here, Grim.

**Grim**: Uh, okay… (thinks for a moment, then wedges his scythe in-between Mandy and Zyalea and attempts to pry Zyalea off) Come on!

**Zyalea**: NEVER! NEED TO INTERVIEW!

**Billy**: I KNOW! (somehow switches places with Mandy) YAAAAY!

**Zyalea**: (picks up Billy and looks at him in surprise)

**Mandy**: (glances at Grim) Let's go while we have the chance.

**Grim**: Right behind ya… (opens a portal and jumps through with Mandy)

**Billy**: What about me?

**Zyalea**: (narrows her eyes at Billy sinisterly) You're MINE! (tapes Billy to the couch) And now, since our guest has escaped… I guess we'll interview… uh… (reaches offstage and pulls out Mandy) HAHA! GOTCHA!

**Grim**: (appears from off-stage) What da heck just happened?

**Mandy**: Griiiim… (glares at Grim as if it's his fault)

**Grim**: uh… eh-heh… (smiles sheepishly)

**Zyalea**: (grabs Grim and tapes him to the couch next to Billy, then wraps Mandy up in tape and sticks her to the floor next to herself) Okay now, let's just go to the next question: Mandy, what's your favorite color?

**Mandy**: I don't choose colors.

**Zyalea**: … okay… well then, erm, what would you say to your fans RIGHT NOW?

**Mandy**: I saw you ask the same question to Billy. Are you just making these questions up as you go?

**Zyalea**: THAT'S FOR ME TO KNOW AND FOR YOU TO… NOT KNOW!

**Mandy**: Whatever…

**Zyalea**: Mmkay, well then… (breathes deeply) We shall ask another question… what kind of music do you like?

**Mandy:** The music made by my fist when it meets someone's head.

**Zyalea**: … interesting. Unfortunately, we don't have that kind of music supplied here. Buuuut… Mandy, if you absolutely HAD to choose, would you rather be friends with Billy or Grim?

**Mandy**: (stares expressionlessly at Zyalea) Well, I don't have to choose, now do I?

**Zyalea**: Man, you're no fun at all. Not even answering my questions.. Bah. It's probably time for commercial anyways…

**Mandy**: I believe it's time for my departure… (Mandy spins around as if caught in a flushing toilet and sinks into her bondage, mysteriously disappearing)

**Zyalea**: blinks … erm… can I do that too? (jumps into the empty pile of tape head first, and a sick cracking noise is heard and Zyalea goes rigid) Uh… alright… that might not have been the best idea…

COMMERCIAL… not that there is any commercials. I'm simply making a poor attempt at trying to make this interview gig seem as if it's on actual television. :)


End file.
